dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
