I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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