we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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