Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
