I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
