so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
