My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
