I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize