his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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