Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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