I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
its liver damage thursday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize