I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
