I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
