At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
