return my video game
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
