hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
