when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
