Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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