He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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