I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
