i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
