dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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