Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
