We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
