Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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