If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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