Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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