PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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