Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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