If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
