I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
