plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
