the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
