Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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