I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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