none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
