When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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