We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found your dick twin last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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