I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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