sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize