this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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