I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
