So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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