I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
