You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
