I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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