I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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