I will die if light touches me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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