So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
