I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
