Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
