...so i touched it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
