Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
