Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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