Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
