Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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