I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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