WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
