I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
