So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
