that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
