Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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