Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
