what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
