I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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