just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
