You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
