so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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